Solitary Man (The Smith Brothers Book 3) Page 3

  Riley was right. I didn’t want weeks of this tension. Of leaving it so long that it made things harder. I needed to do this now. I wanted to do this now.

  She was a lot shorter than me, which made it difficult. If I was going to do this the way I needed to, and I had to, bending or crouching so much would make it more awkward. So instead, I gripped her hips over the damp towel and lifted her.

  She made a little squeak sound, grabbing my arms, and I sat her on the kitchen counter in front of me.

  We stared at each other.

  I swallowed thickly.

  “Cash?”

  “I’m gonna kiss you now, Riley,” I said like a damned fool.

  She nodded, her gaze dropping to my mouth, then lifting back to my eyes. “Okay,” she whispered.

  That whisper lifted the hair on the back of my neck and made my gut ache on a whole new level. I shuffled forward and raised my hand to cup the side of her face. Her golden blond hair was soft and wavy, tickling the back of my hand.

  My heart raced as I dipped my head and leaned in closer. Her knees pressed into my stomach, and my breath huffed from my nose as my cheek touched hers. Her hands settled on my shoulders, her fingers digging into the muscle, and I moaned.

  I loved the way she gripped me, holding tight like she had in the plane, using me to ground herself. She could use me in any way she needed. I was hers.

  Amazingly, this beautiful woman wanted to kiss me—to be mine—and I’d give her everything she asked for.

  I’d been alone—so lonely—for so damn long.

  “Please,” she said, her lips not quite touching mine yet.

  My woman shouldn’t have to beg for anything from me. Not one thing. So I turned my head the little bit needed and pressed my lips to hers almost as soon as the plea left her precious lips.

  At that first gentle contact, I groaned. How could the simple act of touching lips be this good? Zaps of pleasure fired from that point of contact right to my chest, then raced through my gut and down to my groin.

  Her fingers dug deeper, and I groaned again, my mouth, my body seeming to know what to do all on its own. My lips moved against hers, then parted, my tongue flicking into her mouth. Her sweet little tongue flicked out in return, tasting, testing.

  She whimpered, and I—snapped.

  My arms banded around her, and I lifted her off the counter, one arm under her round bottom, the other buried in her wild, blond hair at the back of her head. I tilted my head, my only thought to go deeper, to get more Riley. My tongue plunged into her mouth again, and she gave it back to me, her arms coming around my neck, holding tight.

  My hand curled around her bottom—so much soft flesh—and my fingers squeezed.

  She wriggled against me. “Cash,” she whispered against my mouth.

  Her scent filled my head, the softness of her lips, her taste, and that warmth—that perfect, intense warmth of her skin—soaked into me, deep, letting me know she was real, she was here with me, that I wasn’t alone anymore. All of it kicked me low in the stomach.

  Oh Christ.

  I was going to come if I didn’t stop this now.

  I couldn’t humiliate myself in front of my sweet, perfect, beautiful wife just from kissing and holding her.

  Still, I couldn’t stop myself from gripping her luscious bottom tighter and pressing her hips into mine, grinding against her, tempting fate. My cock started to pulse, and my balls drew up.

  No. Not like this.

  I tore my mouth from hers and sat her back on the counter, taking a quick step back. I was breathing hard, my fists clenched tight. I was in pain, so much pain, so desperate to pull her back into my arms, to rub against her some more, to reach down right in front of her and squeeze myself through my jeans until I came anyway, like the pathetic virgin I was.

  “I-I’m sorry,” I said so roughly she flinched. I took another step back, wanting to flee but knowing that was probably the worst thing I could do.

  “Don’t go,” she said, like she could read my mind. “Please don’t go.”

  3

  Riley

  Cash backed away while I sat there trembling, desperate for him to touch me again. “Cash?”

  He took another step back. “I have to…” He turned and rushed out of the kitchen.

  I jumped when the front door banged shut.

  What the hell just happened? I was sitting there panting, body alive, electric. More turned on than I could ever remember being. And he couldn’t get away from me fast enough. I’d never been kissed like that in my life. In my life. And I’d had my fair share of kisses. I mean, I’d had a handful of boyfriends. I’d gone to college and hooked up at parties.

  The point was, I’d experienced some terrible kisses over the years. And some really good ones. But none had even come close to that.

  Had I pushed for too much, too fast? Did he think I was a terrible kisser? Wasn’t he attracted to me?

  God, was he having second thoughts about the whole thing?

  I couldn’t go back to the city.

  My belly churned as familiar fear worked through me. Clutching my towel to my chest, I climbed off the counter and walked through the living room on shaky legs. I moved to the window and stared out at a large barn in the field by the house. Light glowed from inside.

  He’d run away from me.

  Couldn’t get away from me fast enough.

  The backs of my eyes stung as the full weight of the day came crashing down. I was exhausted, emotionally and physically drained from the nerves and excitement…the uncertainty. I’d had a lot of rejection in my life, from the people who should love me the most. And Cash’s rejection made the weight of it all too heavy to bear.

  I bit my lip and rushed to the bedroom.

  I quickly changed into my pj’s and climbed into bed. Breathing deeply as I pulled the covers up to my chin, I tried with what little strength I had left not to cry. My belly churned in awful, relentless knots. What had I done? Had I made a huge mistake? I’d just married a man I hardly knew. What the hell had I been thinking?

  I hadn’t been. I’d gone with my gut instinct, and it had been loud. Thinking about Cash had made my world slow and calm when it had been a terrifying mess for so long. Looking at his picture, into the gentleness I’d seen in his beautiful blue eyes, had filled me with warmth.

  Had made me feel—safe.

  Cash had been so open with me in his emails, and now? Now he was so…closed off. Elusive.

  I shut my eyes. After the day I’d had, I needed sleep, lots of sleep. So much had happened. But I had a horrible feeling that if I fell asleep with my emotions all over the place like they were, all I’d see were monsters. A monster. I couldn’t handle the nightmares, not tonight.

  A face flashed through my mind, one I’d been working hard to pretend didn’t exist. Keith. I shuddered, chills dancing over my skin as my heart pounded along with remembered terror. I snuggled deeper under the covers. I was safe here. I was safe.

  The bed shook, and I startled awake with a scream.

  “It’s just me,” Cash’s deep voice said low through the darkness.

  “S-sorry, I was just…I-I got a fright. I’m not used to…to sharing a bed.” My heart raced a mile a minute. For a split second I’d been back in my apartment in the city, waking to a different man in my room. I shoved the image from my mind. Keith wasn’t here. He’d never find me here.

  You’re safe.

  Cash was silent for several long moments. “You want me to go?”

  “No,” I said too loudly, my hand shooting out and grabbing for him before he could leave me again. My fingers met hot, bare skin. A colossal pec to be exact. “I mean, no…please stay. I don’t want to be alone.”

  I’d gone to sleep thinking things I didn’t want in my head, remembering things that made my stomach revolt. What I needed was to feel close to someone. Not someone…Cash.

  I’d wobbled earlier. I’d let the pain, the damage my parents caused sneak back in.
And I’d doubted myself and Cash. We hadn’t even spent a full day together. I needed to trust that we could work through this initial awkward part, that ahead of me was something beautiful.

  I may not have known Cash long, and really only via email, but since the first time he contacted me, I felt a connection to him. And that picture…I’d looked into his eyes and saw nothing but good. I was like my mother that way. The only good thing she’d ever given me. I just knew things. Call it a sixth sense, call it intuition—whatever it was, I’d always trusted mine, and it had always been right.

  I’d ignored it once and I’d paid for it, was still paying for it.

  I needed to trust my instincts now.

  The mattress dipped as he settled back down.

  I tried to see him through the shadows, but I could only see a faint outline. “I know I…I pushed you earlier, and I promise I won’t do that again, but could you…would you hold me?”

  He didn’t answer with words but actions. One moment I was on my side of the bed, the next his big, strong hands, capable of building houses, of flying planes, of cupping the side of my face like I would break if he wasn’t careful, were wrapped around me, tugging me across the mattress.

  Then I was engulfed in heat as the solid wall of his massive body pressed against mine. He was wearing pants, flannel by the feel, and no shirt. The heat of his skin radiated from him, soaking through my pj’s down to my bones.

  He wasn’t just holding me, this was the bear hug of all bear hugs. His strength and warmth engulfed me, was working through me, annihilating my demons, melting them away with every second of comfort he gave.

  “I can’t remember the last time I was hugged…can you?” I said into the darkness before I could think better of it.

  “Yep,” Cash said, surprising me.

  “You can?” My hand was against his hot skin, and I couldn’t help but stroke his chest. It was impossibly wide, strong, and muscled, and a little hairy. Not too much, but more than a dusting. I liked it. There was something comforting about it.

  “Ten years.”

  My hand stilled. All of me stilled.

  Cash made a rough sound, not actual words, but I was pretty sure he was telling me to keep petting him. I started again, and he sighed.

  Relief washed through me.

  “That’s a long time,” I said, stating the obvious.

  “Yep.”

  “Was it with an ex-girlfriend?” We’d never really talked about past relationships. It was probably something we should have discussed. But we were trying to get to know each other, why would we waste precious time talking about a person who wasn’t important anymore? Well, that was the reason I hadn’t.

  His arm spasmed around me. “My mom.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said, my heart hurting for him. He’d shared that he’d lost them in one of his emails.

  “It’s okay,” he said gruffly. “And you didn’t,” he said after a moment.

  “I didn’t what?”

  He was quiet again. His heart raced faster against my palm. The sound of him swallowing convulsively reached me in the dark. “Push.”

  I pressed closer to him, I couldn’t help it. His skin smelled amazing. Soap and pine and earthy man. “But you…you left, and I thought…”

  “Didn’t wanna disgrace myself,” he bit out, voice tight.

  I moved my hand to his bicep and gripped tightly, afraid he’d pull away or try to leave again. “You mean you…”

  He swallowed again, thickly. “Yep.”

  “Oh.” He was uncomfortable. I didn’t want that. “We’re husband and wife. Granted the way we got here isn’t the normal way of doing things, but I want us to start as we mean to go on. So in the spirit of honesty, I uh, was almost there myself.”

  His big body jolted. “What?”

  “That kiss, Cash. I’ve never experienced anything like that. If you’d touched me, I could have…I would have, um…come as well.”

  Cash cursed and tightened his hold on me, like now he was afraid I’d run from him. Or God, maybe he was about to tell me something I didn’t want to hear and was trying to cushion the blow.

  I didn’t know what he was thinking. He was impossible to read. Worst-case scenario, he wasn’t feeling the way I was, amazing kiss aside, and he wanted to drop me off at the general store tomorrow and never look back.

  “What’s wrong?” I whispered, making myself ask. There was no missing the tension in his body.

  “Need to tell you something,” he rasped.

  Oh God.

  He made another rough, definitely angry, sound.

  Now my belly was in knots again. “Did I…did I do something to upset you?”

  “No,” he said quickly. “Christ, no. Not angry at you, Riley…at me.”

  “Why?” Now my heart was racing as well.

  “I didn’t want to walk away, I ah…wanted to give you…” He cleared his throat. “What you needed, but I…I…”

  “Cash?”

  “Don’t know how,” he finished roughly.

  “You don’t know how?” I had to be hearing him wrong.

  “I don’t know…what to do.”

  He what? No. How could that be? “Are you saying, you’ve never had sex before?” His hold was a vise around me now.

  “Lived out here all my life. Don’t go to the city. Make runs to the general store. Do my deliveries. Come home.” He was quiet for several long seconds. “I’ve never been with a woman, Riley, at all. At the general store, that was the first time I’d kissed anyone.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I mean, I was shocked, and I hated that he’d been alone all this time, but I was also relieved. “That’s why you left?”

  “Yep.”

  “And you are…attracted to me?”

  He made a low, growly sound. “Yep.”

  I relaxed, relief washing over me hard and fast. “Well, that’s good, because I am most definitely attracted to you.”

  A pause. “You are?”

  I wriggled, and Cash loosened his hold on me enough that I could lift my head and look into his eyes, eyes that showed me more than he knew. I smiled. “Yes.” I touched his face, his soft beard. His eyelids drifted closed for a moment, then opened again. Moonlight from the window streamed in, showing me his pale blue irises that almost glowed in the dark. “You don’t ever need to be embarrassed with me. We’ll work it out, learn what we…um, like, together.”

  “Yeah?” he rumbled.

  “Yeah.” I brushed my thumb over his lips, they were firm yet soft, and caught his gaze again. “I really like your eyes.”

  His throat bobbed as he swallowed. “I like your mouth and your…your…everything,” he said roughly.

  His cheeks darkened. I could tell even with only the light of the moon. This was hard for him. I ran my fingers over his heavy brow. “I was so worried. I felt close to you after our emails, then today everything was…strained. I’m glad we talked.”

  His eyes bore into me like I was the most exquisite creature he’d ever seen. Like I was some new discovery. I guess I kind of was, in more ways than one.

  “Can I kiss you again?” he rasped.

  I grinned and nodded.

  Those big fingers slid into my hair, and he tugged me down, his lips taking mine. There was no finesse, no thought, just pure feeling, and like the last time, electricity shot through my veins. I was lit up, on fire, ravenously hungry, and unable to get enough.

  Cash’s beard tickling my skin as his lips opened under mine, his tongue exploring every inch of my mouth. His hand moved over my back, then down to my butt, squeezing restlessly like he had in the kitchen. His other arm was around my upper back, holding me tight, pulling me closer.

  I kissed him back just as fiercely, lost to sensation.

  Sparks of pleasure shot through me, arrowing down between my legs, and I squeezed them together.

  “Is this good?” he asked roughly.

  “Yes, Cash, so good,” I said against his l
ips. “Do you like it?”

  He made an urgent sound that I took as a yes, as he gripped my butt tighter and ground his massive erection against my belly.

  “Riley,” he said desperately.

  “It’s okay,” I whispered. “Do you want me to…to touch you?”

  “Yes…no.” He hissed. “I want to make you feel good. I want to make you come. Help me.”

  Oh God.

  Oh. God.

  I wanted that too. So much.

  Taking his hand in mine, I pressed it low on my belly. “Put your hand down the front of my shorts, under my panties.”

  He shuddered, and I squirmed as the rough skin of his fingers grazed my belly as he hooked the elastic of my pj shorts, then my panties, and slid inside.

  “Riley, Christ, so hot and slick and…” His hips jerked.

  I covered his hand with mine, pushing it deeper in my panties as I lifted my knee, resting it on his hip to hold me wide. Then I took hold of his massive index finger and moved it where I wanted it. “If you rub my clit just right, you’ll make me come.” I dragged his finger through my juices, and the wide tip nudged against my opening.

  His hips jerked again, and his big body trembled. “Oh God, Riley, you’re…you’re so small there…oh fuck.”

  “Are you worried you won’t fit?” I whispered.

  He moaned, seemingly incapable of words.

  “You’re big, I can feel you against my belly. But we’ll fit together just fine when we decide to take it there, I promise.”

  He shook harder.

  I couldn’t take another minute, I needed to come. I moved his finger up so it was at my clit. “You feel that? That little nub?”

  He growled.

  “Circle it for me, nice and slow, and I’m going to touch you at the same time, okay?”

  “Yes. Please, touch me.”

  I shoved my hand down the front of his pajama bottoms. He wasn’t wearing any underwear, and my hand met hot, hard flesh. He was as big as I thought. Bigger. I wrapped my fingers around his length, smooth and silky over molten hot steel.

  “Oh God. Oh God, Riley.”

  He thrust into my hand, even as his finger continued working my clit. I was so wet, so desperate to come, all I could do was whimper as I stroked him faster.